I n the 48th episode of the Arts to Hearts podcast, our host Charuka Arora shares her thoughts on experiencing overwhelm. Especially, the spurts that visit us on the year end.
AUTO TRANSLATED SCRIPT
You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about what do I want, but I want to be, in fact, I feel like I have started practicing a lot more self check-in and I think it’s been quite a big learning class, but it’s also made me realize so many things that I wouldn’t have otherwise, you know, notice or even, you know, realize.
So. Okay. Firstly, here, you guys welcome back to the arts to hotspot gas. This is your host Charaka and I want to say a big, big, welcome. If you’re listening to this show for the first time, or if you’re a regular listener, I am truly, truly blessed to be here because I, I absolutely love this place and I hope so.
Do you? Okay. Firstly, how are you doing my lab? I am so excited that I get to be here. Be with each one, a few every week in some way or another, um, today’s episode, I’m actually recording with my little baby girl who is due for her surgery. Um, I am recording this from, um, My friend’s apartment in Delhi. I have come for a surgery for my girl came.
She is going to get her stones removed today. And just before we leave for a doctor, visit that scheduled for. And I will from now, I thought I’ll quickly record this episode for today and share my thoughts. But before that, if you’re listening to this episode, just give my girl in her, in your prayers. And I hope she recovers soon.
Okay. So for today’s mini episode, I thought I’d share something funny. And I know it’s something that I often do to myself so many times, but I knew him. I’m not sure. So, you know, how social media and all of these things are. And I have been feeling quite overwhelmed, actually, honestly, a lot. Well, I haven’t posted in quite a few days, I try to send emails on my behalf to my newsletter subscribers.
Uh, I haven’t been able to be regular with that. I have not been able to hire a lot of things that I was like, people I needed to hire for. Hard to do hearts and, you know, I, there’s so many things that are pending on my list and they definitely, um, send me a lot of overwhelm and anxiety because I feel like, oh my God, I got to do this.
I need to do that. And all of those things, and in that process, I, I think there’s this, there’s this thing that keeps coming in between for me, that I haven’t been able to. You know, I haven’t been able to put so much effort into my art practice, but that’s, that’s the backstory. So what, what was actually going in my head is that I’m not moving forward and I’m not doing enough that, you know, I’m not, I’m not able to do enough justice, enough justice to add two hearts to my own self, to my own art practice.
And like, am I. And artist’s enough or am I enough of like a creative entrepreneur? I mean, all these doubts came crashing on me, like for so many weeks. And I was like, so, so you know, this harder. Um, I don’t know. And, you know, in that process I received, um, a lot of people like people would reach out and they would say like, you know, they like something that I shared something on.
Art’s two hearts on how my state, my, or like all those things. And, you know, at that I sometimes just one little message makes a lot of different activities. I still remember I was having like, Mental breakdown because I was trying to push, I honestly, I wouldn’t deny that for all these months. It feels like I’m pushing a rock, but I know that someday it’s going to get better and I’m going to still pursue and push myself as much as I can.
And if needed, I would definitely take a break or two in between. Um, I did take a break for. A couple of days from now, we had the value celebrations in India, and I really wanted to disconnect and I did not want to feel the oval then because I truly could not function anymore. And I needed, needed this for myself.
So I did, I feel much better. I still have a few personal responsibilities that I need to take better off, but I know that from here I’m more self aware and you know, just, I know it, things can get better if I know where I have. So while I was having this meltdown, I felt like I received a message from one of my friend, Emily and shout out to Emily because she’s just not an amazing artist.
Uh, she does the BX, we, um, magazine, but she’s also an amazing human being. So she just reminded me about. What I’d been doing and how she, how much he appreciates. And, you know, I really needed those words of encouragement at that point because someone needed to snap me out of that, you know, survival, fearful spirit.
And I asked myself that, why am I feeling that way? Am I, am I jealous? Am I insecure? What is that? I’m totally. And when I, you know, self interrogated investigated about what I was feeling, I realized that I had put so much pressure on myself because I felt like all those things were happening to other people that I wanted.
And that, that are true, that exhibit or that collaboration, or that launch all of those things. And I still do want, and not that. Not that I, I feeling bad because someone else has it. I feel like the point is that I felt that I still don’t have it when I’m, I’m putting that much effort or maybe I thought I was putting that much effort.
Um, and I realized that if I wanted, I mean, I backtrack my, my, my thoughts and then realize that, you know, I have been doing the best I could in all these months. I haven’t been able to make a lot of thought and that’s truly justified because I can’t force myself into something in a, in a phase where I am in the darkest, like, you know, in a place when I’m in the darkest phase of my life.
And the second thing. Even if I was making art enough, I truly was not in a place to even submit. I haven’t submitted at all. Like I haven’t taken my work out at all. And, you know, by saying practice, practicing what I preach. I know that I can’t expect for things to happen unless I even don’t put myself out there and I truly haven’t put myself out there.
I haven’t submitted anything. And. With this pressure that I’ve put myself on that, you know, why are those things not happening to me is simply irrelevant because I have also not been actively putting that sign out in the universe that I want, that I still have not put myself my work out there. And that does not mean I’m wrong.
It also means that I’m not ready that I’m taking my time and that’s okay. But, you know what I’m trying to say. Some of these, um, some of these self check-ins are so important. It made me feel so much better because now I knew that I don’t have to feel sorry for myself, because if I would have put in that effort, that kind of effort and realize that I haven’t been where I want to be.
Maybe, maybe that was fair, but when. I, I want those things was, is I, was I making enough effort to get those things are two different things. I still want those things, but I recognize the fact today that I haven’t been putting enough effort to make those things possible. And I am self aware of that fact.
And. It’s okay. I can take my time and button when I’m ready. I can put that effort and I’m sure that I can achieve those quotes. So I don’t have to unnecessarily put that pressure on myself of not achieving things, because someone else’s achieving I’m in a piece of life that I need to figure it out. A lot of things for myself personally, um, I just, myself and everything that’s been happening and happened.
And honestly, if I truly be honest with. That I feel I’m doing it. Good enough. I am trying to put my best foot forward and that’s, that’s all that matters. So yeah, if you’ve been anywhere like this, if you, if you see someone doing something and you feel like you also wanted the same thing and you feel the pressure of not doing enough of not getting those things, or you feel sorry for yourself, just ask yourself that.
Why are you feeling? So, um, sometimes. We think that we are, we’re all on the same page, but we’re at, we’re actually not. We are all in different phases of our life, in different phases of our careers. And mentally someone may get something because they put that effort and it’s justified for them, but you don’t have to put that pressure on yourself of not achieving something just because you will not.
For something at that point or that you hadn’t even taken the first step right now. So once you take those few steps and that is when you can question yourself, you can put that pressure and, you know, just being kind to ourselves. I feel like the biggest problem is that at least for me, that’s something that when I see personally, a lot of times, I know that I need to, I need to get things through.
But when I see things moving faster for other people, I fall into this loop, like, oh my God, am I the one who’s left behind? I’m not doing enough. Or, you know, all of those things. And to me, I feel like I’m not doing enough, but I know when I hear from other people, they think that I’m doing so much and all of those things.
And honestly, I feel like there’s never the right answer. There’s never a right answer for all of this, because for someone, what we use for what I’m doing is. For some, it may not be what truly matters is that what I feel about what I’m doing. And I know that I’m not putting my best foot forward right now, but I also know there’s so much that’s happening with, within my own life.
There’s so much that happened that with, with every, every day, I’m trying to adjust and tune myself into what my life is right now, how I’m going to go forward from here and also. Taking care of my mental health, because that’s not been the best lifestyle. And knowing that I can still achieve those goals.
Maybe they’re just not right now. And that I’m not going to lose out. You are not going to lose out. Those things will still happen to us and they will come to us. Maybe just not yet because you not because they don’t want for you just because you are not ready for it. I also questioned myself the same thing.
What if this happened to me right now, what if I got that solo show? Well, what have I got that exhibit would have high being truly ready for it? Will I be able to get the commitment that I would otherwise give to it? No, because where I am right now, the kind of work that I want to make, I’m still still, you know, Getting in terms with my own self, finding a routine, finding a space, my mental space.
So, you know, just don’t take the pressure from someone else’s life experience and achievements or failures. It’s important to remember that we are all going on our own pace. And once we, we get over and with what’s happening with others, we need to check in that how are we doing from our own perspectives, from where we stand?
And that was such, such a calming feeling for me. And I just wanted to share this with you here, because I know that this happens to me more than I can admit. I truly to truly careful because. Um, it also moderates me that, okay, what I have not been doing, I should put enough effort to do that and what, or I need to find you in my own expectations of what is needed.
Okay. So that’s what I have for today. I have to leave, take a quick bath and take him to the vet because we are due for her surgery. I’m quite anxious about it. And this is my best self showing up. So yeah, I hope you have a fantastic day and I’m giving you a big hug and take a deep breath.
And I hope you have a fantastic day. I’ll catch you soon in the meanwhile, if you related to this episode, if you liked this episode, do share it in your episode, like in your stories in on social media. What would be even better? Leave us a review. Also, you can now find the podcast exclusively on WW dot arts to hotspot caf.com.
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